Posts

My Journey to Full Recovery

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I'm writing this post today because, quite frankly, this is one of the hardest days of my life. My sister is about to get married (she's having a reception this weekend and then a formal ceremony in October). Most normal people, and by "normal people" I mean people who are mentally healthy, would be happy for their loved ones. They would support them wholeheartedly and express nothing but excitement and joy for them.

In all honesty, doing that has been a struggle for me.

You might think that this kind of behavior is extremely selfish on my part, but I don't think there's anything wrong with putting yourself before everybody else when it comes to your mental health. For years, I put the happiness of other people ahead of my own. Some of these people took advantage of this self-sacrificing nature that I used to have.

Notice my use of the past tense there.

As a result of my selflessness, I essentially sacrificed my college education so that other people would b…

My Struggle with Invalidation

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I mentioned in one of my first blog posts that life was a lot different for me back when I was in high school. I didn't have to think about things like anxiety or agoraphobia.

Hell, I couldn't even imagine a scenario in which I was trapped inside the house or unable to drive a car for an entire year.

I also didn't have to worry about invalidation. Invalidation is defined as the "creation or promotion of an environment which encourages an individual to believe that their thoughts, beliefs, values or physical presence are inferior, flawed, problematic or worthless."

High school was a lot of things, but invalidating wasn't one of them.

I was a great student, balancing AP classes with a part-time job, and I was constantly surrounded by people who genuinely believed in me. I spent weeknights studying alone in my room and weekends playing video games by myself. Both activities were done with little-to-no interruption from the outside world, and that's just the…

My Thoughts on Suicide

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TRIGGER WARNING: In today's post, I'll be going into excruciating detail about my thoughts on suicide and past experiences with self-harm. If you find any part of this article upsetting, please hit the back button.

I can't stress this enough: I'm not a health care professional, so if you need help please reach out to somebody who is.

As I was watching the final episode of 13 Reasons Why, I couldn't help but think back to a time when I was considering suicide. This was during my brief stint as a college drop-out when I was suffering from agoraphobia. I had panic attacks on a regular basis, whenever I would leave the house or drive my car, and at the time I used self-harm as a temporary means of escape.

I was trying to get back into the workforce at the time, so I didn't want other people to know that I was harming myself. I would often make cuts on my upper biceps and then bandage them after I was finished. Even if someone did notice them, however, I don't …